The three are NOT one

When I was growing up, I could not understand the trinity idea in religion because I would wonder how the father, the son, and the holy ghost could all be one and the same.  I never got it and gave up along time ago.  Now there is another three in one that I have heard guys talking about and I don't understand what female made the mistake of letting them continue to believe that they are the same.

The "trinity" that I'm talking about is being wet, coming, and an orgasm.  There are men out there that don't get that these three things are not the same.  Unfortunately for some women who's significant others I have talked to, they are only getting wet and that is no good for the girl.  Being wet is a reflex of your body that protects you from chaffing while dealing with some sorry man.  Coming is one step better because that means that you have found a man who at least tries to let you get in, but the ultimate goal is the orgasm that, sadly, many women die never experiencing one.

The problem with men is that for them, the three are one.  They feel that she is wet and then their body comes and that is there orgasm.  My male friends know that I love them, but I would be wrong if I did not clear up the fact that you are suppose to keep going until you get to the orgasm (for her).  It is never a productive relationship when you get yours and she hasn't gotten hers.  That's why there are so many women magazines talking about how to accomplish the perfect orgasm and there are so many lotions and toys designed for the ultimate orgasm. 

I encourage my female friends to put down the book and lay down the law.... Just like short haired women can weave it if they can't achieve it, men that have a short endurance need to put their mouth in it before they put their head into it. 

Child Support

I have a few male friends and whenever the subject of child support comes up, everyone has an opinion.  My husband has come to the conclusion that if a woman has five months before she can abort a child (deciding that she doesn't want to be a mother), a man should have five months from the time that he discovers that he's a child's father to decide if he wants to be a father.  I see his point in a way, but I have an opinion that's a little different, but not much.  I may be critized for this one by a lot of women but I think that I'm being fair.

I think that if a woman has a right to have the baby or abort the baby, if the father tells the woman in the beginning that he doesn't want the baby, she should not demand that he supports a child.  She would not allow a man to force her to have a child if she doesn't want it.  My problem is that there are some men out there who try to get a woman pregnant or irresponsible about using contraception.  Having sex is (for the most part) a mutual decision, so I think that outside of cases of rape or incest, the decision on whether or not to have the child should be a mutual decision.  And child care or support should be equally discussed for the sake of the child and not the selfish parents.

In America, there are too many children (and adults) being irresponsible on the subject of sex and relationships and therefore there are too many children suffering with a "paycheck" daddy.  Wether from divorce or just not thinking before you leap into a sexual relationship, the child should have more than a relationship with his parent's bank account.  Then too, I see how some men get so angry with their child's mother for not having their children living or dressing the way they see fit for the amount of money that's being disbursed for child support.  If your hair and nails are done, then your child's hair and nails need to be done.  If you have on the latest fashions, so should your children.

AND MY BIGGEST PET PEVE is these women who have children with athletes, actors, musicians or anyone with money and get thousands of dollars a month in child support to say that they are not getting enough money.  I have no problem with a woman going in to get an increase as the cost of living increases, but you do NOT need six cars and five houses to raise a child.  Because if you are really raising a child, they should be in school for most of the year.  I can understand having a home that you live in year round and ONE vacation home (because if the only thing you're famous for is having an important person's child, you can stay in a hotel on vactions).  I don't understand saying that you need support for a nanny or caregiver for your children if you do not work. 

Please women let's learn to be responsible for ourselves and our bodies because there are enough babies out here giving birth to babies.  I appaud the ones (men and women) who are doing it on their own.  I congratulate the men who have stepped up to be the father that every child needs in his life.  I praise the women who figure out how to make ends meet when child support is just not enough.  I ask that we go back to the way we were originally taught to handle sex, your body is a precious temple, you must cherish and nuture it.  Do not allow anyone in it who will not treat it with the utmost respect.  My point is, if you wouldn't trust a man with your car don't give him your body and it will save the state a lot of paper and court cases.

Let Me Upgrade You

This month has been one of change for me.  Some of my changes have been voluntary, some involuntary, and others just plain necessary.  I'm not the kind of person who makes friends easily, so if I befriend you I demand loyalty.  My husband befriends people all the time and he seems to like 'project' friends.  'Project' friends are the friends that aren't used to having much and everything that seems like a normal experience to us, is the WOW factor to them. 

I do not mind to help you upgrade your life, but I have began to notice that some of the people we help to upgrade ends up downgrading us a little because you have to get on their level to understand what they're going through and what they think.  So this month, I felt it was necessary to let a few people go because I felt that I was doing too much. 

I tried to get on a few old freinds' plane but they never seemed to get off the runway.  Once I let go and got on my own plane, I soared.  The problem with having friends that are grounded when you're soaring is that they will try to shoot you down.  I spent a few weeks dodging the hurt and the negativity that threatened to ground me, then I figured out that I was a fighter jet and shot back at these so-called friends.  Once they saw that I was not going down easily, they have left me alone.  I've had people ask me if I miss my friends and it took very little thought for me to determine that I loved the clown but I don't need it everyday to make me smile.

Another friend talked me into working my event planning business like I should have been a long time ago.  She told me that I've been doing so little with it because I was afraid that I would upset friends who weren't doing anything by doing something that excited me and made me better.  So I decided to do the business right the way it should have been.  I don't want to upgrade anymore, I want you to be eye to eye with me in the sky and challenge me to go higher so that we stay up together. 

Anyone can look into my event planning and the discounts that I'm offering at http://www.bridesmadeconsulting.com/. Thank you to everyone who has and will support me.  Sorry for those who don't because I can upgrade you but I won't anymore.

What Belongs to Me

Good evening all, I know I've been absent for a couple weeks but was doing a lot of work and a lot of thinking.  I'm glad I have friends who make me think because it gives me interesting things to talk about with you guys.

First off, I'm a pack rat and while I was unpacking a few boxes from when I moved, I found a feature story that I wrote for my high school's newspaper about having secret lovers during Valentine's Day. Then I've been listening to the new Monica and Brandy song It All Belongs to me. I have to say that I love the song but don't understand the situation.  Not that I don't understand break ups cause I've had my share... TRUST ME!  Some where good some horrible but I never took anything back from the guy after the realtionship ended.  That's what I took the song to mean was leave that sh#t that I bought for you, but my girl took it to mean that she was paying fir everything and now that she's done with him, he needs to leave that sh#t cause it all belongs to me. 

I guess your interpretation depends on how you were raised.  I was raised with clear gender roles. Don't get me wrong, I think girls can do anything a boy can do just as well or better, but I WOULD NEVER take care of a man where I would have to tell him it all belongs to me.  I have always believed in equal contributions to a relationship.  But the video got me to looking around me.  I know people who, in my opinion, have bought their boyfriend or girlfriend's affections.  I watched one person give their significant other jewelry and shoes for what they called a 'gift' but it was my friend's birthday.  Then while I was at school I ease-dropped on a chick talking about how she had to pay for her boyfriend's cell phone bill and she still hadn't paid her rent.  My question is:  What the HELL is wrong with your self worth that you don't know that as long as your man is not dead or disabled he is to take care of himself? 

My husband and I are involved in every aspect of our day to day activities.  He may not cook or clean everyday, but I don't have to go to work everyday.  If the kids are sick or have a parent teacher conference, we both know about it and what is going on.  If I bought my husband a gift, I wouldn't take it back if we broke up.  But I would not shower him with gifts to stay around.  I know that some people say 'well, women get gifts from men in a relationship' but I can't see getting if I'm not giving.  Cause as far as I'm concerned, I want your heart more than your material things... after all "It all belongs to me".

Family Values value...

Everyone that knows me knows how close I am to my family.  My mommy is my rock and I helped raise my baby sister.  My older brother is my best friend and my two little brothers are the buffers I need sometimes for the things I get into. I sometimes find it hard to understand when families don't get along.  My grandmother used to tell us that the only thing we have is each other... our family.  So I started thinking about the values that were instilled in me.  The most important one to me is that no matter what, you stay close to your family whether you like the family member or not.

My classmates had very strong opinions about the situation with Tracy Morgan and his mother and Madonna's situation with her brother.  Some think that he should have given his mother money for her home because when it's all said and done she's his only mother.  Others voiced that his mother wasn't acting like a good mother when she put their family business in the media.  Some of the opinions that I got about Madonna is that, with the money she has, her brother shouldn't be homeless.  Others even voiced that he should be able to get the best rehab.  For the record, I think Madonna did offer her brother rehab, but you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. 

I don't think any of us can honestly say that we had a Leave It to Beaver life.  My father died when I was a toddler and my mom and stepfather both worked very hard to provide for us and I have some really great memories of my childhood.  But I remember that I wanted to have more of a relationship with my Mommy.  I wanted to be able to do more with her.  (After all we were surrounded by testosterone.)  We have a great relationship now that she has retired and I'm an adult.  We can have a lunch or sit down to a dinner because she's not on a 9 to 5 Monday through Friday.  I can call her in the middle of the day just because and she's not so busy at work that she can't talk.

Maybe we expect too much out of our family members.  No one is perfect and we all have the drunk uncle that's always asking for two dollars or the drug addict cousin twice removed that no one really talks about even though we try constantly to get to and keep them in rehab. Then we have the family member that everyone has given up on.  No matter who you are, no matter how poor or rich you are, and definitely no matter how famous or successful you are, you have to deal with family (depending on how successful you are, you have to deal with more of your family than others).  We don't have to be in their lives constantly or allow them over for tea and cucumber sandwiches, but they do affect our lives in some manner.
The lesson I learned from my grandmother is that you encourage your family member who may not have aspired to be where you are or to the heights that you're climbing to.  You can't put them down and hope that 'tough love' or ignoring the person will make them become a better person.  If you have that drunk uncle, don't just tell him to go to an AA meeting... accompany him to the meetings.  If you have an addict cousin, go with them to decide on a comfortable rehab for them.  If you have a family member that's  incarcerated, don't give up on them...go visit them on the weekends, send them money to get what their food, hygene or stationary items, and write them so that they do not feel as if one bad decision will determine their family value.

I'm guilty of the tough love approach but it did not make the situation better and it definitely did not improve our relationship.  So it's hard to put up with family and their issues when you have so many of your own, but in the long run, if you saved their spirit or their life, isn't it worth it?

Hoe or Housewife

Ok, some friends and I were watching the TV show The Game.  If you haven't seen it, you should... it's a great show.  The character Melanie told her husband Derwin that she wanted to have more of a say in his career and he told her that he just wanted her to be there for sex and no more of a say.  It may seem funny but I have found out that there are some men out here who do not know the difference between a hoe and a housewife.

Let me enlighten the unknowing....
A hoe is the woman that you have sex with for three minutes while you think it's three hours and she doesn't pretend it's good, but she can go on to another man who will be better.  You give her some money and let her be on her way.  She has it GOOD!
A housewife is the woman that has sex with you for three minutes while you think it's three hours, she has to pretend it's the best sex ever and then she has to buy a vibrator to give her the orgasm you denied her.  And then she gets up to clean the house, cook, wash clothes, take care of the kids, and now-a-days, go to work outside of the home.  She's SCREWED over!


So let me know fellas do you want your girl to be your hoe or your housewife?  For what you pay your wife, she would be better off being a hoe.  I know that there are alot of women out here who would agree that if all they had to do was screw their husbands and not have to take on any other responsibilities, they would be more than happy to.  If you just want someone to screw, you find you a hoe cause that is all she'll do for you.  When you want to be taken care of and supported, you get a housewife.  Hence the phrase, 'you can't turn a hoe into a housewife'.  See the difference, yet?

You can never turn a hoe into a housewife, but let me let you in on a secret... you can turn YOUR housewife into YOUR hoe.  These are the three steps how:
1.  Show and tell her that you appreciate everything that she does to keep the house running smoothly (cause you know that's not you keeping the kids from burning it down).
2.  Compliment her appearance.  It seems small but the greatest thing a woman can hear is her man telling her that she looks wonderful.  I went around for a month with my hair forever in a ponytail and no make-up while I tried to get some household things in order... my husband's reply was your beautiful.  I knew I looked a mess but he got more sex that month than any other month in our marriage.
3.  DO NOT BE SELFISH IN BED.  I know Bernie Mac says 'I got mine, she better get hers' but outside of comedy, that doesn't work well.  If you continually get yours before she gets hers, your relationship will turn into a joke cause she'll be out getting hers while your thinking you got yours (and her).

Follow those few steps and your set.  Not only will you have a woman who will support you mentally and emotionally, you will have a woman who will screw you at anytime, in anyway, as much as you want and need it.

Ms. Independent, Ms. Understood, or with Mr. Wrong

I had a friend who told me that he can't stand these 'golddiggers', so I told him that the only men that are angry with golddiggers are the ones that have brass mines.  If you have a platinum mine you don't worry about the gold. 
My question is why do men say that they want Ms. Independent.  They want the woman to be able to provide her own home, hummer, and hedgefund.  But when the woman can provide these things for herself a man will say that she's doing too much or feel insecure about what she is able to provide for herself.

Are women Ms. Independent or Ms. Understood?

I'm happy to be lucky enough to be married to a very wonderful, patient, and supportive man, but I have seen some friends in relationships with men that I have to question both my friend and her man. 

In this day and age a woman can do almost anything on her own.  You can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan (that you bought).  If you want a family, you can do that too without having a man in your life.  If you CHOOSE to have a relationship, shouldn't you choose to make it work?  So my question is... have we as women become too independent or are we just Ms. Understood?

Ms. Independent: It's been my belief that a woman can do anything a man can do just as well if not better, but if you want a man in your life, he cannot FEEL as if he's a non-essential.  Just like you have to get up in the morning and shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair, and put on jewelry and make-up, you have to put the spunk in your man's day.  Make sure he knows you appreciate him just as much as your Dove, Crest, M.A.C., and Neil Lane.    If you choose to be in a relationship.  It doesn't mean that you have to have a (wo)man in your life.  It just means that you want that person there.  If you WANT that person there, shouldn't you make it where they want to be there?

Ms. Understood: I do not flaunt my accomplishments to make you feel like you missed the boat.  Everyone wants to be praised and congratulated on a job well done.   The most important person to hear this from is your mate.  I know that the outside world's opinion of me doesn't always matter because when it's all said and done, only my husband and children know exactly how much I had to sacrifice and what I went through to get the world's praise.  So if your mate isn't praising you it can feel disheartening and may make you boost up your own praise of yourself. 

Mr. Wrong: Don't get it twisted and think that I just mean men with this part... it can be either or.  If you are intimidated by the success of your mate that is because you have not come along to the point that you want to be at.  Work harder on getting where you want to be and your significant other will support you (if they're a good fit).  If you cannot give and recieve support, that relationship is all WRONG for you.  Get out while you may be friends down the line.

I'd like to thank my wonderful husband for all the love and support that he gives me everyday and the way that he always has my back so when I'm struggling, he's the one giving me the lift to get a leg up on everyone else.  Not only do I want him in my life, I need him to want to be there.