Family Values value...

Everyone that knows me knows how close I am to my family.  My mommy is my rock and I helped raise my baby sister.  My older brother is my best friend and my two little brothers are the buffers I need sometimes for the things I get into. I sometimes find it hard to understand when families don't get along.  My grandmother used to tell us that the only thing we have is each other... our family.  So I started thinking about the values that were instilled in me.  The most important one to me is that no matter what, you stay close to your family whether you like the family member or not.

My classmates had very strong opinions about the situation with Tracy Morgan and his mother and Madonna's situation with her brother.  Some think that he should have given his mother money for her home because when it's all said and done she's his only mother.  Others voiced that his mother wasn't acting like a good mother when she put their family business in the media.  Some of the opinions that I got about Madonna is that, with the money she has, her brother shouldn't be homeless.  Others even voiced that he should be able to get the best rehab.  For the record, I think Madonna did offer her brother rehab, but you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. 

I don't think any of us can honestly say that we had a Leave It to Beaver life.  My father died when I was a toddler and my mom and stepfather both worked very hard to provide for us and I have some really great memories of my childhood.  But I remember that I wanted to have more of a relationship with my Mommy.  I wanted to be able to do more with her.  (After all we were surrounded by testosterone.)  We have a great relationship now that she has retired and I'm an adult.  We can have a lunch or sit down to a dinner because she's not on a 9 to 5 Monday through Friday.  I can call her in the middle of the day just because and she's not so busy at work that she can't talk.

Maybe we expect too much out of our family members.  No one is perfect and we all have the drunk uncle that's always asking for two dollars or the drug addict cousin twice removed that no one really talks about even though we try constantly to get to and keep them in rehab. Then we have the family member that everyone has given up on.  No matter who you are, no matter how poor or rich you are, and definitely no matter how famous or successful you are, you have to deal with family (depending on how successful you are, you have to deal with more of your family than others).  We don't have to be in their lives constantly or allow them over for tea and cucumber sandwiches, but they do affect our lives in some manner.
The lesson I learned from my grandmother is that you encourage your family member who may not have aspired to be where you are or to the heights that you're climbing to.  You can't put them down and hope that 'tough love' or ignoring the person will make them become a better person.  If you have that drunk uncle, don't just tell him to go to an AA meeting... accompany him to the meetings.  If you have an addict cousin, go with them to decide on a comfortable rehab for them.  If you have a family member that's  incarcerated, don't give up on them...go visit them on the weekends, send them money to get what their food, hygene or stationary items, and write them so that they do not feel as if one bad decision will determine their family value.

I'm guilty of the tough love approach but it did not make the situation better and it definitely did not improve our relationship.  So it's hard to put up with family and their issues when you have so many of your own, but in the long run, if you saved their spirit or their life, isn't it worth it?

Hoe or Housewife

Ok, some friends and I were watching the TV show The Game.  If you haven't seen it, you should... it's a great show.  The character Melanie told her husband Derwin that she wanted to have more of a say in his career and he told her that he just wanted her to be there for sex and no more of a say.  It may seem funny but I have found out that there are some men out here who do not know the difference between a hoe and a housewife.

Let me enlighten the unknowing....
A hoe is the woman that you have sex with for three minutes while you think it's three hours and she doesn't pretend it's good, but she can go on to another man who will be better.  You give her some money and let her be on her way.  She has it GOOD!
A housewife is the woman that has sex with you for three minutes while you think it's three hours, she has to pretend it's the best sex ever and then she has to buy a vibrator to give her the orgasm you denied her.  And then she gets up to clean the house, cook, wash clothes, take care of the kids, and now-a-days, go to work outside of the home.  She's SCREWED over!


So let me know fellas do you want your girl to be your hoe or your housewife?  For what you pay your wife, she would be better off being a hoe.  I know that there are alot of women out here who would agree that if all they had to do was screw their husbands and not have to take on any other responsibilities, they would be more than happy to.  If you just want someone to screw, you find you a hoe cause that is all she'll do for you.  When you want to be taken care of and supported, you get a housewife.  Hence the phrase, 'you can't turn a hoe into a housewife'.  See the difference, yet?

You can never turn a hoe into a housewife, but let me let you in on a secret... you can turn YOUR housewife into YOUR hoe.  These are the three steps how:
1.  Show and tell her that you appreciate everything that she does to keep the house running smoothly (cause you know that's not you keeping the kids from burning it down).
2.  Compliment her appearance.  It seems small but the greatest thing a woman can hear is her man telling her that she looks wonderful.  I went around for a month with my hair forever in a ponytail and no make-up while I tried to get some household things in order... my husband's reply was your beautiful.  I knew I looked a mess but he got more sex that month than any other month in our marriage.
3.  DO NOT BE SELFISH IN BED.  I know Bernie Mac says 'I got mine, she better get hers' but outside of comedy, that doesn't work well.  If you continually get yours before she gets hers, your relationship will turn into a joke cause she'll be out getting hers while your thinking you got yours (and her).

Follow those few steps and your set.  Not only will you have a woman who will support you mentally and emotionally, you will have a woman who will screw you at anytime, in anyway, as much as you want and need it.

Ms. Independent, Ms. Understood, or with Mr. Wrong

I had a friend who told me that he can't stand these 'golddiggers', so I told him that the only men that are angry with golddiggers are the ones that have brass mines.  If you have a platinum mine you don't worry about the gold. 
My question is why do men say that they want Ms. Independent.  They want the woman to be able to provide her own home, hummer, and hedgefund.  But when the woman can provide these things for herself a man will say that she's doing too much or feel insecure about what she is able to provide for herself.

Are women Ms. Independent or Ms. Understood?

I'm happy to be lucky enough to be married to a very wonderful, patient, and supportive man, but I have seen some friends in relationships with men that I have to question both my friend and her man. 

In this day and age a woman can do almost anything on her own.  You can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan (that you bought).  If you want a family, you can do that too without having a man in your life.  If you CHOOSE to have a relationship, shouldn't you choose to make it work?  So my question is... have we as women become too independent or are we just Ms. Understood?

Ms. Independent: It's been my belief that a woman can do anything a man can do just as well if not better, but if you want a man in your life, he cannot FEEL as if he's a non-essential.  Just like you have to get up in the morning and shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair, and put on jewelry and make-up, you have to put the spunk in your man's day.  Make sure he knows you appreciate him just as much as your Dove, Crest, M.A.C., and Neil Lane.    If you choose to be in a relationship.  It doesn't mean that you have to have a (wo)man in your life.  It just means that you want that person there.  If you WANT that person there, shouldn't you make it where they want to be there?

Ms. Understood: I do not flaunt my accomplishments to make you feel like you missed the boat.  Everyone wants to be praised and congratulated on a job well done.   The most important person to hear this from is your mate.  I know that the outside world's opinion of me doesn't always matter because when it's all said and done, only my husband and children know exactly how much I had to sacrifice and what I went through to get the world's praise.  So if your mate isn't praising you it can feel disheartening and may make you boost up your own praise of yourself. 

Mr. Wrong: Don't get it twisted and think that I just mean men with this part... it can be either or.  If you are intimidated by the success of your mate that is because you have not come along to the point that you want to be at.  Work harder on getting where you want to be and your significant other will support you (if they're a good fit).  If you cannot give and recieve support, that relationship is all WRONG for you.  Get out while you may be friends down the line.

I'd like to thank my wonderful husband for all the love and support that he gives me everyday and the way that he always has my back so when I'm struggling, he's the one giving me the lift to get a leg up on everyone else.  Not only do I want him in my life, I need him to want to be there.