I'm not a person who does the resolutions because by February I've decided that I had too many high abitions and give up. Well, this year, I've curved my ambitions and narrowed what I want to accomplish this year down to two things with one common denominator... they're unfinished business.
I've been working with my event and bridal consulting business since last year and I've decided that I want to expand it so I will work on that this year. I've been writing a book for the last two years and I will complete it by the summer of 2013. I'm not calling it a resolution, I'm not going to stress out if I have a hard time doing eveything the way I want to do it, I'll learn to adapt.
I encourage everyone to stop and decide what is the most important thing in your life today that you want accomplished. Do that and if you have to spend the whole year adapting and re-inventing yourself to make it what you want, do that. Do it for you and your happiness because no one else will cherish you the way you cherish you.
Happy New Year
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Final Good-bye
On Monday May 14, 2012, my step-children's mother died. On Wednesday May 16, 2012, my friend Joscelyn Kirklin's seven month old son died. At first I could only think "God, no! This can't be your plan. Why would the Devil do this?" I cried and broke down trying to understand something that was not ment for me to understand.
I did not grow up believing in a heaven or a hell. I never wondered where the dead went because I always believed they went into your heart to help heal the break their death caused. I still believe that they go into your heart and heal you as no one else can, but I now think that their may be a heaven and that God may take people for a reason that may not be clear to us up front.
I think that God took Leona because he knew that KJ was going to be called home and she was such a wonderful mother and always wanted a little boy that God wanted her in heaven to make the transition for KJ easier. I know that our father in heaven never wants us to suffer, and he couldn't stand for her to suffer. There are so many plans that God has for us and the bigger picture is ususally 19" screen for us and God is looking through a 72" so he sees things that we missed.
I'm a mother but I know that the shoes I have to fill for her little girls are too big and I worry that I might fall on my face trying to be there for them. I want her to know that KJ is happy to have her their to take care of him. I hope that she rest in heaven and if heaven does happen to be on Earth as I was taught, I hope I make it there to tell her she was loved and appreciated.
I did not grow up believing in a heaven or a hell. I never wondered where the dead went because I always believed they went into your heart to help heal the break their death caused. I still believe that they go into your heart and heal you as no one else can, but I now think that their may be a heaven and that God may take people for a reason that may not be clear to us up front.
I think that God took Leona because he knew that KJ was going to be called home and she was such a wonderful mother and always wanted a little boy that God wanted her in heaven to make the transition for KJ easier. I know that our father in heaven never wants us to suffer, and he couldn't stand for her to suffer. There are so many plans that God has for us and the bigger picture is ususally 19" screen for us and God is looking through a 72" so he sees things that we missed.
I'm a mother but I know that the shoes I have to fill for her little girls are too big and I worry that I might fall on my face trying to be there for them. I want her to know that KJ is happy to have her their to take care of him. I hope that she rest in heaven and if heaven does happen to be on Earth as I was taught, I hope I make it there to tell her she was loved and appreciated.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Child Support
I have a few male friends and whenever the subject of child support comes up, everyone has an opinion. My husband has come to the conclusion that if a woman has five months before she can abort a child (deciding that she doesn't want to be a mother), a man should have five months from the time that he discovers that he's a child's father to decide if he wants to be a father. I see his point in a way, but I have an opinion that's a little different, but not much. I may be critized for this one by a lot of women but I think that I'm being fair.
I think that if a woman has a right to have the baby or abort the baby, if the father tells the woman in the beginning that he doesn't want the baby, she should not demand that he supports a child. She would not allow a man to force her to have a child if she doesn't want it. My problem is that there are some men out there who try to get a woman pregnant or irresponsible about using contraception. Having sex is (for the most part) a mutual decision, so I think that outside of cases of rape or incest, the decision on whether or not to have the child should be a mutual decision. And child care or support should be equally discussed for the sake of the child and not the selfish parents.
In America, there are too many children (and adults) being irresponsible on the subject of sex and relationships and therefore there are too many children suffering with a "paycheck" daddy. Wether from divorce or just not thinking before you leap into a sexual relationship, the child should have more than a relationship with his parent's bank account. Then too, I see how some men get so angry with their child's mother for not having their children living or dressing the way they see fit for the amount of money that's being disbursed for child support. If your hair and nails are done, then your child's hair and nails need to be done. If you have on the latest fashions, so should your children.
AND MY BIGGEST PET PEVE is these women who have children with athletes, actors, musicians or anyone with money and get thousands of dollars a month in child support to say that they are not getting enough money. I have no problem with a woman going in to get an increase as the cost of living increases, but you do NOT need six cars and five houses to raise a child. Because if you are really raising a child, they should be in school for most of the year. I can understand having a home that you live in year round and ONE vacation home (because if the only thing you're famous for is having an important person's child, you can stay in a hotel on vactions). I don't understand saying that you need support for a nanny or caregiver for your children if you do not work.
Please women let's learn to be responsible for ourselves and our bodies because there are enough babies out here giving birth to babies. I appaud the ones (men and women) who are doing it on their own. I congratulate the men who have stepped up to be the father that every child needs in his life. I praise the women who figure out how to make ends meet when child support is just not enough. I ask that we go back to the way we were originally taught to handle sex, your body is a precious temple, you must cherish and nuture it. Do not allow anyone in it who will not treat it with the utmost respect. My point is, if you wouldn't trust a man with your car don't give him your body and it will save the state a lot of paper and court cases.
I think that if a woman has a right to have the baby or abort the baby, if the father tells the woman in the beginning that he doesn't want the baby, she should not demand that he supports a child. She would not allow a man to force her to have a child if she doesn't want it. My problem is that there are some men out there who try to get a woman pregnant or irresponsible about using contraception. Having sex is (for the most part) a mutual decision, so I think that outside of cases of rape or incest, the decision on whether or not to have the child should be a mutual decision. And child care or support should be equally discussed for the sake of the child and not the selfish parents.
In America, there are too many children (and adults) being irresponsible on the subject of sex and relationships and therefore there are too many children suffering with a "paycheck" daddy. Wether from divorce or just not thinking before you leap into a sexual relationship, the child should have more than a relationship with his parent's bank account. Then too, I see how some men get so angry with their child's mother for not having their children living or dressing the way they see fit for the amount of money that's being disbursed for child support. If your hair and nails are done, then your child's hair and nails need to be done. If you have on the latest fashions, so should your children.
AND MY BIGGEST PET PEVE is these women who have children with athletes, actors, musicians or anyone with money and get thousands of dollars a month in child support to say that they are not getting enough money. I have no problem with a woman going in to get an increase as the cost of living increases, but you do NOT need six cars and five houses to raise a child. Because if you are really raising a child, they should be in school for most of the year. I can understand having a home that you live in year round and ONE vacation home (because if the only thing you're famous for is having an important person's child, you can stay in a hotel on vactions). I don't understand saying that you need support for a nanny or caregiver for your children if you do not work.
Please women let's learn to be responsible for ourselves and our bodies because there are enough babies out here giving birth to babies. I appaud the ones (men and women) who are doing it on their own. I congratulate the men who have stepped up to be the father that every child needs in his life. I praise the women who figure out how to make ends meet when child support is just not enough. I ask that we go back to the way we were originally taught to handle sex, your body is a precious temple, you must cherish and nuture it. Do not allow anyone in it who will not treat it with the utmost respect. My point is, if you wouldn't trust a man with your car don't give him your body and it will save the state a lot of paper and court cases.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Family Values value...
Everyone that knows me knows how close I am to my family. My mommy is my rock and I helped raise my baby sister. My older brother is my best friend and my two little brothers are the buffers I need sometimes for the things I get into. I sometimes find it hard to understand when families don't get along. My grandmother used to tell us that the only thing we have is each other... our family. So I started thinking about the values that were instilled in me. The most important one to me is that no matter what, you stay close to your family whether you like the family member or not.
My classmates had very strong opinions about the situation with Tracy Morgan and his mother and Madonna's situation with her brother. Some think that he should have given his mother money for her home because when it's all said and done she's his only mother. Others voiced that his mother wasn't acting like a good mother when she put their family business in the media. Some of the opinions that I got about Madonna is that, with the money she has, her brother shouldn't be homeless. Others even voiced that he should be able to get the best rehab. For the record, I think Madonna did offer her brother rehab, but you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.
I don't think any of us can honestly say that we had a Leave It to Beaver life. My father died when I was a toddler and my mom and stepfather both worked very hard to provide for us and I have some really great memories of my childhood. But I remember that I wanted to have more of a relationship with my Mommy. I wanted to be able to do more with her. (After all we were surrounded by testosterone.) We have a great relationship now that she has retired and I'm an adult. We can have a lunch or sit down to a dinner because she's not on a 9 to 5 Monday through Friday. I can call her in the middle of the day just because and she's not so busy at work that she can't talk.
Maybe we expect too much out of our family members. No one is perfect and we all have the drunk uncle that's always asking for two dollars or the drug addict cousin twice removed that no one really talks about even though we try constantly to get to and keep them in rehab. Then we have the family member that everyone has given up on. No matter who you are, no matter how poor or rich you are, and definitely no matter how famous or successful you are, you have to deal with family (depending on how successful you are, you have to deal with more of your family than others). We don't have to be in their lives constantly or allow them over for tea and cucumber sandwiches, but they do affect our lives in some manner.
The lesson I learned from my grandmother is that you encourage your family member who may not have aspired to be where you are or to the heights that you're climbing to. You can't put them down and hope that 'tough love' or ignoring the person will make them become a better person. If you have that drunk uncle, don't just tell him to go to an AA meeting... accompany him to the meetings. If you have an addict cousin, go with them to decide on a comfortable rehab for them. If you have a family member that's incarcerated, don't give up on them...go visit them on the weekends, send them money to get what their food, hygene or stationary items, and write them so that they do not feel as if one bad decision will determine their family value.
I'm guilty of the tough love approach but it did not make the situation better and it definitely did not improve our relationship. So it's hard to put up with family and their issues when you have so many of your own, but in the long run, if you saved their spirit or their life, isn't it worth it?
My classmates had very strong opinions about the situation with Tracy Morgan and his mother and Madonna's situation with her brother. Some think that he should have given his mother money for her home because when it's all said and done she's his only mother. Others voiced that his mother wasn't acting like a good mother when she put their family business in the media. Some of the opinions that I got about Madonna is that, with the money she has, her brother shouldn't be homeless. Others even voiced that he should be able to get the best rehab. For the record, I think Madonna did offer her brother rehab, but you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.
I don't think any of us can honestly say that we had a Leave It to Beaver life. My father died when I was a toddler and my mom and stepfather both worked very hard to provide for us and I have some really great memories of my childhood. But I remember that I wanted to have more of a relationship with my Mommy. I wanted to be able to do more with her. (After all we were surrounded by testosterone.) We have a great relationship now that she has retired and I'm an adult. We can have a lunch or sit down to a dinner because she's not on a 9 to 5 Monday through Friday. I can call her in the middle of the day just because and she's not so busy at work that she can't talk.
Maybe we expect too much out of our family members. No one is perfect and we all have the drunk uncle that's always asking for two dollars or the drug addict cousin twice removed that no one really talks about even though we try constantly to get to and keep them in rehab. Then we have the family member that everyone has given up on. No matter who you are, no matter how poor or rich you are, and definitely no matter how famous or successful you are, you have to deal with family (depending on how successful you are, you have to deal with more of your family than others). We don't have to be in their lives constantly or allow them over for tea and cucumber sandwiches, but they do affect our lives in some manner.
The lesson I learned from my grandmother is that you encourage your family member who may not have aspired to be where you are or to the heights that you're climbing to. You can't put them down and hope that 'tough love' or ignoring the person will make them become a better person. If you have that drunk uncle, don't just tell him to go to an AA meeting... accompany him to the meetings. If you have an addict cousin, go with them to decide on a comfortable rehab for them. If you have a family member that's incarcerated, don't give up on them...go visit them on the weekends, send them money to get what their food, hygene or stationary items, and write them so that they do not feel as if one bad decision will determine their family value.
I'm guilty of the tough love approach but it did not make the situation better and it definitely did not improve our relationship. So it's hard to put up with family and their issues when you have so many of your own, but in the long run, if you saved their spirit or their life, isn't it worth it?
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