Final Good-bye

On Monday May 14, 2012, my step-children's mother died.  On Wednesday May 16, 2012, my friend Joscelyn Kirklin's seven month old son died.  At first I could only think "God, no!  This can't be your plan.  Why would the Devil do this?"  I cried and broke down trying to understand something that was not ment for me to understand.

I did not grow up believing in a heaven or a hell.  I never wondered where the dead went because I always believed they went into your heart to help heal the break their death caused.  I still believe that they go into your heart and heal you as no one else can, but I now think that their may be a heaven and that God may take people for a reason that may not be clear to us up front.

I think that God took Leona because he knew that KJ was going to be called home and she was such a wonderful mother and always wanted a little boy that God wanted her in heaven to make the transition for KJ easier.  I know that our father in heaven never wants us to suffer, and he couldn't stand for her to suffer.  There are so many plans that God has for us and the bigger picture is ususally 19" screen for us and God is looking through a 72" so he sees things that we missed. 

I'm a mother but I know that the shoes I have to fill for her little girls are too big and I worry that I might fall on my face trying to be there for them.  I want her to know that KJ is happy to have her their to take care of him.  I hope that she rest in heaven and if heaven does happen to be on Earth as I was taught, I hope I make it there to tell her she was loved and appreciated.

Child Support

I have a few male friends and whenever the subject of child support comes up, everyone has an opinion.  My husband has come to the conclusion that if a woman has five months before she can abort a child (deciding that she doesn't want to be a mother), a man should have five months from the time that he discovers that he's a child's father to decide if he wants to be a father.  I see his point in a way, but I have an opinion that's a little different, but not much.  I may be critized for this one by a lot of women but I think that I'm being fair.

I think that if a woman has a right to have the baby or abort the baby, if the father tells the woman in the beginning that he doesn't want the baby, she should not demand that he supports a child.  She would not allow a man to force her to have a child if she doesn't want it.  My problem is that there are some men out there who try to get a woman pregnant or irresponsible about using contraception.  Having sex is (for the most part) a mutual decision, so I think that outside of cases of rape or incest, the decision on whether or not to have the child should be a mutual decision.  And child care or support should be equally discussed for the sake of the child and not the selfish parents.

In America, there are too many children (and adults) being irresponsible on the subject of sex and relationships and therefore there are too many children suffering with a "paycheck" daddy.  Wether from divorce or just not thinking before you leap into a sexual relationship, the child should have more than a relationship with his parent's bank account.  Then too, I see how some men get so angry with their child's mother for not having their children living or dressing the way they see fit for the amount of money that's being disbursed for child support.  If your hair and nails are done, then your child's hair and nails need to be done.  If you have on the latest fashions, so should your children.

AND MY BIGGEST PET PEVE is these women who have children with athletes, actors, musicians or anyone with money and get thousands of dollars a month in child support to say that they are not getting enough money.  I have no problem with a woman going in to get an increase as the cost of living increases, but you do NOT need six cars and five houses to raise a child.  Because if you are really raising a child, they should be in school for most of the year.  I can understand having a home that you live in year round and ONE vacation home (because if the only thing you're famous for is having an important person's child, you can stay in a hotel on vactions).  I don't understand saying that you need support for a nanny or caregiver for your children if you do not work. 

Please women let's learn to be responsible for ourselves and our bodies because there are enough babies out here giving birth to babies.  I appaud the ones (men and women) who are doing it on their own.  I congratulate the men who have stepped up to be the father that every child needs in his life.  I praise the women who figure out how to make ends meet when child support is just not enough.  I ask that we go back to the way we were originally taught to handle sex, your body is a precious temple, you must cherish and nuture it.  Do not allow anyone in it who will not treat it with the utmost respect.  My point is, if you wouldn't trust a man with your car don't give him your body and it will save the state a lot of paper and court cases.

Let Me Upgrade You

This month has been one of change for me.  Some of my changes have been voluntary, some involuntary, and others just plain necessary.  I'm not the kind of person who makes friends easily, so if I befriend you I demand loyalty.  My husband befriends people all the time and he seems to like 'project' friends.  'Project' friends are the friends that aren't used to having much and everything that seems like a normal experience to us, is the WOW factor to them. 

I do not mind to help you upgrade your life, but I have began to notice that some of the people we help to upgrade ends up downgrading us a little because you have to get on their level to understand what they're going through and what they think.  So this month, I felt it was necessary to let a few people go because I felt that I was doing too much. 

I tried to get on a few old freinds' plane but they never seemed to get off the runway.  Once I let go and got on my own plane, I soared.  The problem with having friends that are grounded when you're soaring is that they will try to shoot you down.  I spent a few weeks dodging the hurt and the negativity that threatened to ground me, then I figured out that I was a fighter jet and shot back at these so-called friends.  Once they saw that I was not going down easily, they have left me alone.  I've had people ask me if I miss my friends and it took very little thought for me to determine that I loved the clown but I don't need it everyday to make me smile.

Another friend talked me into working my event planning business like I should have been a long time ago.  She told me that I've been doing so little with it because I was afraid that I would upset friends who weren't doing anything by doing something that excited me and made me better.  So I decided to do the business right the way it should have been.  I don't want to upgrade anymore, I want you to be eye to eye with me in the sky and challenge me to go higher so that we stay up together. 

Anyone can look into my event planning and the discounts that I'm offering at http://www.bridesmadeconsulting.com/. Thank you to everyone who has and will support me.  Sorry for those who don't because I can upgrade you but I won't anymore.

What Belongs to Me

Good evening all, I know I've been absent for a couple weeks but was doing a lot of work and a lot of thinking.  I'm glad I have friends who make me think because it gives me interesting things to talk about with you guys.

First off, I'm a pack rat and while I was unpacking a few boxes from when I moved, I found a feature story that I wrote for my high school's newspaper about having secret lovers during Valentine's Day. Then I've been listening to the new Monica and Brandy song It All Belongs to me. I have to say that I love the song but don't understand the situation.  Not that I don't understand break ups cause I've had my share... TRUST ME!  Some where good some horrible but I never took anything back from the guy after the realtionship ended.  That's what I took the song to mean was leave that sh#t that I bought for you, but my girl took it to mean that she was paying fir everything and now that she's done with him, he needs to leave that sh#t cause it all belongs to me. 

I guess your interpretation depends on how you were raised.  I was raised with clear gender roles. Don't get me wrong, I think girls can do anything a boy can do just as well or better, but I WOULD NEVER take care of a man where I would have to tell him it all belongs to me.  I have always believed in equal contributions to a relationship.  But the video got me to looking around me.  I know people who, in my opinion, have bought their boyfriend or girlfriend's affections.  I watched one person give their significant other jewelry and shoes for what they called a 'gift' but it was my friend's birthday.  Then while I was at school I ease-dropped on a chick talking about how she had to pay for her boyfriend's cell phone bill and she still hadn't paid her rent.  My question is:  What the HELL is wrong with your self worth that you don't know that as long as your man is not dead or disabled he is to take care of himself? 

My husband and I are involved in every aspect of our day to day activities.  He may not cook or clean everyday, but I don't have to go to work everyday.  If the kids are sick or have a parent teacher conference, we both know about it and what is going on.  If I bought my husband a gift, I wouldn't take it back if we broke up.  But I would not shower him with gifts to stay around.  I know that some people say 'well, women get gifts from men in a relationship' but I can't see getting if I'm not giving.  Cause as far as I'm concerned, I want your heart more than your material things... after all "It all belongs to me".

Putting Your Best Foot Forward

My husband has told me that my blog is a girlie blog.  I don't know how girlie it's been to my readers but I am definitley about to have a girl moment.  I had a young lady come up to me the other day and tell me that she is a fan.  My first thought was 'great, someone has read my blog but me'.  Then she told me, 'I look for you everyday just to see what shoes you will be wearing.  I am such a fan of your shoe collection.'  I don't think I could have been happier or more flattered if she HAD actually read my blog. 

I know it's ridiculous to some but I have this CRAZY shoe fetish.  I don't think that I have an addictive personality, but my shoes are an addiction to me.  In school, I'm majoring in Public Relations and must dress accordingly for the job.  I, also, have an event planning business called Brides Made Consulting.  It requires that I speak, behave, and dress professionally.  I have learned that in business, less is more when it comes to your appearance so you may see me perfectly made up, my hair coiffed and a nice pencil skirt or London fit slacks with an appropriate blouse.  I have always been a rebel so I rebel against the "perfect business (wo)man" with my shoes.  My shoes will range from a pair of red pumps partly covered by my London fit slacks to a purple peacock designed shoe offsetting my pencil skirt.  

I love my shoes and the designers who make them.  I'm not the biggest girlie girl, but my shoes are the most petite, elegant, and ornate things in this world.  So thank you to my favorites Micheal Kors and Christian Louboutin and the more affordable, Guess, Anne Michelle and Wild Rose.  You keep me feeling as if I'm looking my best.

Family Values value...

Everyone that knows me knows how close I am to my family.  My mommy is my rock and I helped raise my baby sister.  My older brother is my best friend and my two little brothers are the buffers I need sometimes for the things I get into. I sometimes find it hard to understand when families don't get along.  My grandmother used to tell us that the only thing we have is each other... our family.  So I started thinking about the values that were instilled in me.  The most important one to me is that no matter what, you stay close to your family whether you like the family member or not.

My classmates had very strong opinions about the situation with Tracy Morgan and his mother and Madonna's situation with her brother.  Some think that he should have given his mother money for her home because when it's all said and done she's his only mother.  Others voiced that his mother wasn't acting like a good mother when she put their family business in the media.  Some of the opinions that I got about Madonna is that, with the money she has, her brother shouldn't be homeless.  Others even voiced that he should be able to get the best rehab.  For the record, I think Madonna did offer her brother rehab, but you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. 

I don't think any of us can honestly say that we had a Leave It to Beaver life.  My father died when I was a toddler and my mom and stepfather both worked very hard to provide for us and I have some really great memories of my childhood.  But I remember that I wanted to have more of a relationship with my Mommy.  I wanted to be able to do more with her.  (After all we were surrounded by testosterone.)  We have a great relationship now that she has retired and I'm an adult.  We can have a lunch or sit down to a dinner because she's not on a 9 to 5 Monday through Friday.  I can call her in the middle of the day just because and she's not so busy at work that she can't talk.

Maybe we expect too much out of our family members.  No one is perfect and we all have the drunk uncle that's always asking for two dollars or the drug addict cousin twice removed that no one really talks about even though we try constantly to get to and keep them in rehab. Then we have the family member that everyone has given up on.  No matter who you are, no matter how poor or rich you are, and definitely no matter how famous or successful you are, you have to deal with family (depending on how successful you are, you have to deal with more of your family than others).  We don't have to be in their lives constantly or allow them over for tea and cucumber sandwiches, but they do affect our lives in some manner.
The lesson I learned from my grandmother is that you encourage your family member who may not have aspired to be where you are or to the heights that you're climbing to.  You can't put them down and hope that 'tough love' or ignoring the person will make them become a better person.  If you have that drunk uncle, don't just tell him to go to an AA meeting... accompany him to the meetings.  If you have an addict cousin, go with them to decide on a comfortable rehab for them.  If you have a family member that's  incarcerated, don't give up on them...go visit them on the weekends, send them money to get what their food, hygene or stationary items, and write them so that they do not feel as if one bad decision will determine their family value.

I'm guilty of the tough love approach but it did not make the situation better and it definitely did not improve our relationship.  So it's hard to put up with family and their issues when you have so many of your own, but in the long run, if you saved their spirit or their life, isn't it worth it?

TS... support U?

It is accepted that other cultures have an immense respect for where they came from whether it is acceptable by Americans or not. But many of these people did not have the struggles and history as an African American. No other ethnicity was bought into the United States in masses for no other reason than servitude. No other ethnicity has continually been seen as uneducated, lazy, and unmotivated. Other cultures and ethnicities are applauded for the work that they do and the miles they traveled to get to where they are now. The only time our black men seem to be applauded in the media is in sports and music. This could explain why so many of our boys believe that their only ways of improvement are in these areas. As a child, I was taught the love and respect that an African American should have in not only their people and their history but also in their education. My grandmother was not even considered as worthy to attend a college based on her color. My great grandmother was a sharecropper.  But my mom, grandma, and Nana told me from my creation that I could rule the world.

For those who don’t know, I attend Texas Southern University. I do not attend it for the accolades that it has been attributed (good luck finding them within media), I do not attend it because of how highly praised the teachers are (you only find out about a teacher if there is a problem)…. I go to TSU because the school is diverse, it is worthy of all accolades. The teachers are caring and they work with you, not only to make sure that you get out of college but so that you can stand with or without everyone noticing the color of your skin. I always wanted to go to a historically black college or university and for those familiar with the Houston and surrounding areas, Texas Southern is not the only HBCU around. When I went back to college, I chose Texas Southern during the time that they were being crucified in the media for the actions of a handful of people. Those people did not account for the majority of Texas Southern or their staff nor were they alumni of Texas Southern, but the impact that they had on the school was further reaching than anyone then or now would have guessed. News of their betrayal saturated the television, internet, and papers for over a year and with their dismissal, came the fallout and clean-up.

To this day there is very little GOOD press about Texas Southern unless it’s about sports or the band. Yes, the band Ocean of Soul has won awards and performed at Super Bowls and The Stellar Awards and in 2010 the football team won its first Southwest Athletic Conference (SWAC) Championship in 42 years, but the radio station KTSU is number one overall of Houston/Galveston stations for its Sunday format and its Friday format of Golden Oldies. I just want to highlight some of the good about Texas Southern University. First it is one of only four independent public universities in Texas. This means that Texas Southern is not affiliated with any of the six public university systems in Texas. It is, also, one of the largest and the most comprehensive HBCUs in the nation. The Jesse H. Jones School of Business was named one of the ‘Best 300 Business Schools ‘ by the Princeton Review in 2008 and was recognized as one of the nation’s ‘Best Business Schools’ by the U.S. News & World Report in 2010. The College of Science and Technology houses research programs like the NASA University Research Center for Bio-Nanotechnology and Environmental Research, the Maritime Transportation Studies and Research, as well as the STEM research program. The Thurgood Marshall School of Law has been consistently ranked number one in achieving diversification in its student body. In the fall of 2010, Texas Southern University partnered with Lone Star College in Northwest Houston to make education easier to get to for that side of town. In conjunction with the City of Houston and Houston Public Library, Texas Southern will begin to offer fine arts classes with theatre and dance performances in the historic Deluxe Theater in Houston’s Fifth Ward. 

I understand that what has happened in the past may put people off to TSU but no one likes for their past to affect their future.  So I encourage all those who attend TSU and those who are just in the Houston and surrounding areas to support Texas Southern University.